[...okay then. Guy leans forward again, elbows on his knees as he clenches his hands between them. Maybe this'll be good. Like bleeding a wound to let out the poison. He's put his desire for revenge past him, and while he might not have forgiven the Duke, he's at least buried his hatred for him far enough to hear the man's name without wanting to strangle something. That's probably progress.]
A good way to make sure nobody suspects you of anything is to be liked. Pere...helped me with that. I don't think he wanted to, but he helped show me how to lie. We spent the last two years before even coming to the manor practicing that, how to lie to people. How to make them see only what you want them to see. He- [Guy lifts a hand to his bangs absentmindedly.] I remember figuring out that if you gave people just enough truth, they'd swallow everything else with it. So yeah, I guess, part of it is wanting to help people.
...but a lot of it is just- I don't want- I don't- [Guy stops. His fingers scratch through his hair restlessly.] I don't want...anyone to see what I'm capable of. [He thinks back to Nami. How he hadn't wanted her to see how ugly he could be, how unfair, how hateful. Her opinion of him had mattered so much...he'd told her about his past and maybe he'd done it to try and garner some sympathy. To try and show that if he's horrible, it's for a reason. He's justified, right?
He doesn't think so, now. Nothing justifies planning to kill an innocent child. And it hadn't just been Asch either, he'd planned to kill everyone; the Duchess, all the servants, everyone he smiled at from day to day, and when they were dead and the Duke was kneeling with the body of his son in his arms, maybe then the hatred would finally go away. He supposes he'll never know, now.]
I think I could do a lot of terrible things, Asch. And it'd be the easiest thing in the world to justify it to myself. [Asch can probably relate. He was a God General. ...or maybe he can't, maybe he'd hated all of it and never thought he was right. That's what scares Guy; how right he can make himself feel.
Just like Van.
He lifts his eyes to Asch, though he doesn't make it past his chest before he falters and looks away again.] It's what I told myself when I thought about...killing you. That the ends justified the means. You were just collateral; a necessary sacrifice on the road to righting a wrong. I didn't give you much of a second thought, some days.
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A good way to make sure nobody suspects you of anything is to be liked. Pere...helped me with that. I don't think he wanted to, but he helped show me how to lie. We spent the last two years before even coming to the manor practicing that, how to lie to people. How to make them see only what you want them to see. He- [Guy lifts a hand to his bangs absentmindedly.] I remember figuring out that if you gave people just enough truth, they'd swallow everything else with it. So yeah, I guess, part of it is wanting to help people.
...but a lot of it is just- I don't want- I don't- [Guy stops. His fingers scratch through his hair restlessly.] I don't want...anyone to see what I'm capable of. [He thinks back to Nami. How he hadn't wanted her to see how ugly he could be, how unfair, how hateful. Her opinion of him had mattered so much...he'd told her about his past and maybe he'd done it to try and garner some sympathy. To try and show that if he's horrible, it's for a reason. He's justified, right?
He doesn't think so, now. Nothing justifies planning to kill an innocent child. And it hadn't just been Asch either, he'd planned to kill everyone; the Duchess, all the servants, everyone he smiled at from day to day, and when they were dead and the Duke was kneeling with the body of his son in his arms, maybe then the hatred would finally go away. He supposes he'll never know, now.]
I think I could do a lot of terrible things, Asch. And it'd be the easiest thing in the world to justify it to myself. [Asch can probably relate. He was a God General. ...or maybe he can't, maybe he'd hated all of it and never thought he was right. That's what scares Guy; how right he can make himself feel.
Just like Van.
He lifts his eyes to Asch, though he doesn't make it past his chest before he falters and looks away again.] It's what I told myself when I thought about...killing you. That the ends justified the means. You were just collateral; a necessary sacrifice on the road to righting a wrong. I didn't give you much of a second thought, some days.