[Something about it makes Guy look up, and he sees the pinched expression on Asch's face. Like he's waiting to be hurt.]
Luke wasn't some magical salve, Asch. I hated him for a long time too. Sometimes, it was exactly the same. But-
[This will be worse, telling Asch why he liked Luke better, why Luke saved him and Asch didn't when really most of the answer just boils down to time. The hatred got...not weaker as he got older, but less easy to act upon. He got more patient. He thought about doing it later, then maybe later, and not long after that he considered not doing it at all. Maybe doing something else. Taking Luke from Duke Fabre some other way; kidnapping him, the way Van had lied about doing. Luke would've been ecstatic to escape that place, even if he'd complained the whole time. Guy could've sold it to him, easy.
And Luke had needed him. Had desperately needed him. His mother was weak and his father was absent; Guy was the only thing keeping Luke from dying, some days, and even if Guy grit his teeth and bore it more often than enjoyed it, it...wore down on him. Luke wasn't looking for lies, wasn't searching for purpose; Luke was just existing, and many days he was just reveling in it alongside Guy. He loved Guy without any pretenses, just because he hasn't known any better. Like a baby. Asch had too many responsibilities as a child, too much weight on his shoulders to dedicate himself to just one person; he was already being groomed for the throne. He had his eyes set too far into the future to devote more than just pieces of himself to any one person.
Before Van entered it, Luke's entire world seemed to focus solely on Guy. And-
Shit. And he misses it. He misses being needed, being the center of someone's life. As Luke got older and more independent Guy found himself chasing after his attention, found himself listless. Contemplating going back to his plan just for lack of something to do, of all the absurd ideas. Asch couldn't give him that. There was no way Asch could have given him that. Maybe if he had...it would've been the same.]
Asch, it's not- not because you weren't enough. It's just how things were.
And for however much it's worth, I'm sorry. For all of it. You never deserved any of it, not you.
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Luke wasn't some magical salve, Asch. I hated him for a long time too. Sometimes, it was exactly the same. But-
[This will be worse, telling Asch why he liked Luke better, why Luke saved him and Asch didn't when really most of the answer just boils down to time. The hatred got...not weaker as he got older, but less easy to act upon. He got more patient. He thought about doing it later, then maybe later, and not long after that he considered not doing it at all. Maybe doing something else. Taking Luke from Duke Fabre some other way; kidnapping him, the way Van had lied about doing. Luke would've been ecstatic to escape that place, even if he'd complained the whole time. Guy could've sold it to him, easy.
And Luke had needed him. Had desperately needed him. His mother was weak and his father was absent; Guy was the only thing keeping Luke from dying, some days, and even if Guy grit his teeth and bore it more often than enjoyed it, it...wore down on him. Luke wasn't looking for lies, wasn't searching for purpose; Luke was just existing, and many days he was just reveling in it alongside Guy. He loved Guy without any pretenses, just because he hasn't known any better. Like a baby. Asch had too many responsibilities as a child, too much weight on his shoulders to dedicate himself to just one person; he was already being groomed for the throne. He had his eyes set too far into the future to devote more than just pieces of himself to any one person.
Before Van entered it, Luke's entire world seemed to focus solely on Guy. And-
Shit. And he misses it. He misses being needed, being the center of someone's life. As Luke got older and more independent Guy found himself chasing after his attention, found himself listless. Contemplating going back to his plan just for lack of something to do, of all the absurd ideas. Asch couldn't give him that. There was no way Asch could have given him that. Maybe if he had...it would've been the same.]
Asch, it's not- not because you weren't enough. It's just how things were.
And for however much it's worth, I'm sorry. For all of it. You never deserved any of it, not you.