[Asch goes still at that, surprised- both by the words and the meaning behind them. Guy doesn't bring Mary up often and never lightly; she means too much to him to be cast aside for a convincing lie. Honestly, it's one of the few ways Guy could have answered that actually makes his response believable.]
...Okay.
[He exhales, setting free a shaky breath he'd been holding out out of nervousness, paranoia, and preemptive grief for the answer he'd been expecting, and straightens up. It's not like he's agreeing to any sort of terms - to stay here, to help Guy convince Luke of anything, to live - but it's... helped. It's cleared up a few things and given him reason to reconsider. Because if Guy gives enough of a damn to wager on Mary's name then he's not doing this for Luke.]
It's not that I want to go back, Guy. Or that I want to die. Or even whether or not I want to stay here. It's that I want to stop dying over and over. Either it's some stupid fight I wanted no part of, or the world getting destroyed, or my own damn body falling apart- it's going to keep happening. And I'll lose more of myself, because the ones who can fix that are leaving.
[His fists clench, trying to rein in the anger. He's not mad at Guy, not really- but he's never been good at explaining himself, his feelings or motivations or what he's thinking, and how can he do any better now while trying to describe something Guy doesn't even understand?]
I won't go out like that- dying and coming back with less of myself until there's nothing... I won't become some empty shell. I've lost who I was once already. Never again.
[When Van took him away from Kimlasca as a child, he'd been forced to remake himself into someone else to survive, and it had been agony every step of the way. The thought of trying to patch his life back together when the pieces keep getting yanked away from him, impossible to retrieve... it's unthinkable.]
action
...Okay.
[He exhales, setting free a shaky breath he'd been holding out out of nervousness, paranoia, and preemptive grief for the answer he'd been expecting, and straightens up. It's not like he's agreeing to any sort of terms - to stay here, to help Guy convince Luke of anything, to live - but it's... helped. It's cleared up a few things and given him reason to reconsider. Because if Guy gives enough of a damn to wager on Mary's name then he's not doing this for Luke.]
It's not that I want to go back, Guy. Or that I want to die. Or even whether or not I want to stay here. It's that I want to stop dying over and over. Either it's some stupid fight I wanted no part of, or the world getting destroyed, or my own damn body falling apart- it's going to keep happening. And I'll lose more of myself, because the ones who can fix that are leaving.
[His fists clench, trying to rein in the anger. He's not mad at Guy, not really- but he's never been good at explaining himself, his feelings or motivations or what he's thinking, and how can he do any better now while trying to describe something Guy doesn't even understand?]
I won't go out like that- dying and coming back with less of myself until there's nothing... I won't become some empty shell. I've lost who I was once already. Never again.
[When Van took him away from Kimlasca as a child, he'd been forced to remake himself into someone else to survive, and it had been agony every step of the way. The thought of trying to patch his life back together when the pieces keep getting yanked away from him, impossible to retrieve... it's unthinkable.]